The stars we put in place, the dreams we didn't waste. The sorrows we embraced, the world belonged to you and me. The oceans that we crossed, the innocence we've lost. The hurting at the end I go there again 'cause it was beautiful..

:: I am ready ... ::

I have always been inlove with love which in one way another made me frustrated, i thought my life was over without "whoever" that is, because im left miserable,all by myself with nobodyelse. When you are deeply in love, heartbreak can be traumatic. If you are going through a period of heartbreak, you must accept the fact that life goes on and so must you. Face each feelings of rejection and anger by acknowledging them, dealing with them, and then achieving closure. The most important thing is to get in touch with reality. Im back in track, ive realized that it is all in my mind, Im done avoiding places and people that bring up nostalgic memories. And heartbreak songs that make me weep uncontrollably. If youve been in a similar heartbreak syndrome, don't despair. Even if you can't get your love interest back, you may still be able to move on with your life and become a stronger human being. Others may find it stupid to say that "the best is yet to come" when you know for a fact that you have that one whom u thought was 'almost' best for you, but see almost doesnt count, sometimes there is really a price for waiting,stop the heartbreak TRYING TO FORGET SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS LIKE TRYING TO REMEMBER SOMEONE U NEVER MET.its the power of your imagination that makes you hold on...so now im awake and ready to face life again..

:: You Could be Happy ::

You could be happy and I won't know

But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

To my dearest friend, Jay..you could be happy... 

:: I love you ::

I love you not only for who you are,

But for what you are when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself,

But what you are making of me.
I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good, and more than any fate could have done to make me happy.
You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself.

Perhaps that is what being a friend means, after all…

:: Things that make you feel good ::

Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one..

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.
12. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or strawberry)
13. A long distance phone call.
14. A bubble bath.
15. Giggling.
16. A good conversation.
17. The beach
18. Finding a 20 note in your coat from last winter.
19. Laughing at yourself.
20. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
21. Running through sprinklers.
22. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
23. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
24. Laughing at an inside joke.
25. Friends.
26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
27. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep...
28. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
29. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
30. Playing with a new puppy.
31. Having someone play with your hair.
32. Sweet dreams.
33. Hot chocolate.
34. Road trips with friends.
35. Swinging on swings.
36. Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and drinking your favorite tipple.
37. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.
38. Going to a really good concert.
39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger
40. Winning a really competitive game.
41. Making chocolate chip cookies.
42. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
43. Spending time with close friends.
44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.
45. Holding hands with someone you care about.
46. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
47. Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
48. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
49. Watching the sunrise.
50. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

:: Fickle Minded ::

I am such a big contradiction.
I used to pray for a stable relationship.
For someone I can be with and share my life with.
I am kind of on the edge of diving into one but I am afraid.
Anxious of not being able to maintain it perhaps, but I am thinking more of the changes that could happen to me- on time, places, people.
It’s just so confusing why I am going through this phase, when like two months ago, I would cry nightly, hoping for the right one to come.

Now that a lot is coming, I can’t let anyone in.

Putting my guards down is difficult for I’ve been hurt a lot of times recently and I must say that I can be bruised easily now, I need to be handled gently this days or I might falter.
I feel vulnerable, because I fall so easily.
This is my normal self I guess, full of ironies.
When I want something, I will go the extra mile, but when I’m almost there, I would retract. It is my flight reaction taking over.

Perhaps I am afraid because I am individualistic. I can not lose my self. I can not be restricted of freedom and time, of opportunities. After all I’m a Sagittarian- individualistic, freedom-loving. I so wanted someone to be with yet I am afraid of not being able to do things on my own. I just don’t like to be controlled because it violates my principles. I sometimes think that I am better off alone. I am such a proud person and I know it is not good, but I got to have a good grasp of it to keep myself as myself. It is hard but I have to do little adjustments I know. Step by step.

I am so thankful however that I have my friends beside me all the time.
Like literally and emotionally.
I find simple joys with them, sharing simple things that may seem shallow to most people but is a source of solace for me. Having dinner, enjoying a good show on TV, window shopping or sometimes, if budget allows, a shirt or two, making fun of ourselves, antm-ing (for those who can define it)- the things that make me sane and comfortable. They give me strength more than they ever know- the strength that I just need to carry on every single day and to still believe in myself.

Without you guys, I would be a mess. I have never been so accepted and loved.
Having a partner is much more different from having you in my life. They are completely of different dimensions- like comparing Michelle and Melrose (one point for those who can give the rationale).
If that one person comes, I will make sure that any compromise I must make, if there will be, will only be for the better. For me, the true test that someone has to pass is for me and you, to be loved at the same time.

:: Another Chapter Rejection of 'A Simple Guy' ::

It is the end of another cycle for me.
Another chapter in a book entitled “The Rejections of A simple guyl”.
Actually, it is a boring book, it is predictable and trite.
The plot is the same: There I was picking up myself from the previous wreck. Then I would be “saved” by this person, to whom I will cling so tight and give everything even the unnecessary details of my life.
For a couple of moments, everything is perfect.
Butterflies in the air, sliding on rainbows, hopping on puffy clouds.
When I’m completely out of my system, everything will shatter, climax is reached.
Denouement: denying everything took place, embracing depression, questioning my existence.
I am really hurt.
I hope I still recover.
I know I can do it but it takes time to heal.
This chapter keeps on repeating even if I wanna skip it, or I am done with it.
There is something wrong with me, I know. I cannot pass through this episode. And I am afraid that if I will go through it again and again that I will be able to memorize it. And I am afraid of not feeling anymore.
Anymore emotions, even love.
Rejection never fails to haunt me, after all, what would I expect..
I don’t want rejection anymore. All I need in this world is to be loved and love in return.
But here is a secret.
Rejection is my twin brother, he is so kind to me he would never leave me. The sad part is, we are Siamese.
I can never hurt him, I am so used to him getting the best of me. After all, we share the same heart, and mind.
But it is getting unhealthy, I can feel it. He is turning into a parasite, sucking every inch of my sanity, every beat of my weak heart.
I can not self mutilate, even if I wanted so bad, but I believe someone can. Someone who will have the courage to slice the flesh that connects as. Even if only half will be left of me, I still have a piece of my heart that I can offer.
If only I can be accepted as a twin of an evil one.

:: Confession ::

Lately i was hurt but i am trying to pick up the wreck… from where i slumped and stand again to face greater adversities..

I am stronger now… i hope, but if you are before the eye of the storm.. You can never tell what to do, but the first thing that comes to your mind… and those are the unplanned things..

I need to move on because no one is going to push me harder than myself..

No one is gonna making me happier than conquering my fears and feeling the victory..

I still want to feel.. I don’t wanna numb myself of the beautiful things in life..love.friends.family… yet i am almost to the point of saturation. What really is my purpose? I know it is a responsibility too great for anyone but in my case it was never a choice.. It is a commitment.

I am sad… that’s reality biting me.

How can anyone love me? When even i am confused of my emotions.. Confused, but not diffused, oxymoronic, cause i am a moron i guess.

I am sad.

I feel alone. My family is here. My few friends are here. Yet i feel empty. Where the hell is my soul mate? Shall i go to hell and back just to find one? Or must i wait forever?

So sad.. But life is like that i cant have all the good things in life.. I have a good job.. Yet my emotions are idle. My mind is sick and my heart, in constant battery.

Do i deserve these things? I guess so.. My karma? Perhaps.. But one thing is for sure, i still believe in fate.. In destiny,, that in the most proper of time and place.. I wont crave for happiness….happiness will approach me and it will say, indulge in me….

:: Sad but True ::

Sad but true... It was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to my life. Getting over everything. Gathering all the rotten pieces of my broken soul and my wrecked heart that has been left unused for a long time... Sad, but true.

We live to love I guess, Love is there for us to live I realized. Every single drop of our tear will transform into a beautiful flower that will make us stronger.. and weaker.. I noticed that the sunset is more colourful than the sunrise maybe because sometimes, better things will happen when saying goodbye... Sad, but true.

I’ve been seeing people that I planned to be with forever. I’ve been really appreciating chances that crossed my heart, whole but still carrying the misery of my past dreams with someone that showed me the world of stupidity, love, anger, and unselfish life... Sad, but true.

I never forgot anyone. I’m not born to hurt people. Sometimes, I just can’t truly appreciate them with my whole being, seeing them the way I saw my past. I suddenly stopped seeing them, talking to them and thinking of them. They were all hurt. It was a cycle, Everyday. Thinking every way on how to try but let go of someone... Sad, but true.

Until I stopped. Stopped hoping, wishing and smiling. Sad, but true...

I never knew that the more I look for someone to love me, the farther it will go, the faster it will leave and the deeper it will disappear. I never knew that love is meant to feel whenever we are in need of happiness and contentment in our never-ending lives. I never knew that I will find someone again that will make my world whole and colourful. Someone that will hold my hand while flying again. Someone that will make my face tired, of smiling. Someone that will make me fall so deep and maybe bounce harder. Yes, again, another chance to love and be loved. Another time of broken and rotten heart, another opportunity of being alone soon, another wish that will fade into very uncontrollable loving, happiness and separation. Here I am again, wishing that those fingers would fill out the spaces between mine. Wishing for love to cover my fears and scars. Wishing for another hand to hold me and fly over the never - ending land of hopes, loving, excitement and pain.. Sad, but true.. Real, but smiling.

:: Making Love Out Of Nothing At All ::

I know just how to whisper,

and I know just how to cry;

I know just where to find the answers;

and I know just how to lie.

I know just how to fake it,

and I know just how to scheme;

I know just when to face the truth,

and then I know just when to dream.

And I know just where to touch you,

and I know just what to prove;

I know when to pull you closer,

and I know when to let you loose.

And I know the night is fading,

and I know that time's gonna fly;

and I'm never gonna tell you everything

I've got to tell you,

but I know I've got to give it a try.

And I know the roads to riches,

and I know the ways to fame;

I know all the rules

and then I know how to break 'em

and I always know the name of the game.

But I don't know how to leave you,

and I'll never let you fall;

and I don't know how you do it,

making love out of nothing at all

Every time I see you all the rays of the sun

are streaming through the waves in your hair;

and every star in the sky is taking aim

at your eyes like a spotlight,

The beating of my heart is a drum, and it's lost

and it's looking for a rhythm like you.

You can take the darkness from the pit of the night

and turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright.

I've got to follow it, 'cause everything I know, well it's nothing till I give it to you.

I can make the run or stumble,

I can make the final block;

And I can make every tackle, at the sound of the whistle,

I can make all the stadiums rock.

I can make tonight forever,

Or I can make it disappear by the dawn;

And I can make you every promise that has ever been made,

And I can make all your demons be gone.

But I'm never gonna make it without you,

Do you really want to see me crawl?

And I'm never gonna make it like you do,

Making love out of nothing at all.

:: SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One ::

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and  remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.

the beginning...

this is the beginning...

1.  You can only learn the hardest way. I’ve been there and I felt it.
2. True friends really stick to you no matter what. Sometimes, those you overlook will be the ones that will stay.
3. Amidst all the negativities in life, you can always find a positive, and sometimes the magnitude of it surpasses everything.
4. Life experiences, no matter how trivial they are, prepare you for the bigger blows. So they are worth reflecting on.

5. Be thankful. No matter how disgusting life is, a lesson is always learned at the end.